Today is the 5 year anniversary of losing my brother, Ted, to leukemia. While my memories of him are not as painful as they once were, there are still times when it feels like a sucker-punch to the gut that he is gone. My sister-in-law wrote a remembrance of him today describing him as "a good man, a hard worker, kind, and a man of integrity." Those words all describe him well. My daughter used these words in a post on facebook to refer to him: "A Kestrel named Ginger. Soccer. Skiing. Mountain bikes. Five years... hard to believe..." and she changed her profile picture to one of Ted holding her in 1 arm, while holding his Kestrel Ginger in the other.
It has been a long time since I posted anything here, so I don't recall (and don't want to take the time right now to look to see) if I wrote this before, but the thought that keeps hitting me is I have lost the one person I shared my childhood memories with. My younger siblings were born when Ted and I were 12 and 10, so there were quite a few years that it was just the 2 of us. There are things I wish I could ask him if he remembers, but sadly those are lost forever.
A year ago (I can't believe it's been that long) I had a wonderful conversation with a cousin who was very close to Ted. That time spent with her brought me much comfort, and just remembering our talk still comforts me.
I am having a hard time finding the words to wrap this post up. I guess I'll just end with "I miss my brother."
