Some days are diamonds...some days are stones

Infusion #10 was very different from last week. Almost every chair was full. The waiting was not too bad. I see my oncologist every other week, so I did see him. Lindsey and I had several errands to do afterwards, so didn't get home until late.

I am doing better on the Abraxane, but the last couple of days have been reminiscent of the old medication. Nausea and fatigue are worse. I read in a magazine a colorful description of "locked in an embrace with the toilet".

Deep thoughts: When I was first diagnosed, I had thoughts of having the surgery, getting thru the treatment and getting back to normal. But as I have had some time to ponder, there is no such thing as "getting back to normal" after this kind of diagnosis. There are books written about it. In fact I have one in the bookshelf that I need to start reading. It's entitled "After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment". It will be a long time before my hair is as long as it was before it fell out. I don't know if my fingernails will ever be the same. My mastectomy and port scars will be a constant reminder. What is normal, anyway?

On a lighter note, it's always an entertaining adventure to go out into public. First, depending on where I am going, I have to decide whether it's a worthy enough trip for boobs and hair. Earlier on, it was easy just to forgo the boobs and just wear a coat. But the warmer weather has made it much harder to hide. And I rarely wear hair. Mostly I wear a bandanna and a hat. John likes it better. I tried a nice scarf a couple of weeks ago, but it just kept sliding around and feeling like it was falling off. I guess I shouldn't be so vain. Most people probably don't even notice. How many people are that observant? In the past I have noticed women with really short haircuts and thought that it didn't look really feminine. But now what I think is, are they just getting over some sort of treatment? Funny how perceptions change.

John is finally coming in from mowing the lawn again. It's after 9 o'clock.