Epiphany

After getting immersed in LIVESTRONG, I started wearing my wrist band again. I had started wearing it when Ted became sick. I didn't usually wear it around the house, only when I went out. I really didn't think about it much. But the other day it really hit me that I shouldn't just wear it in support of cancer survivors, I need to wear it to remind myself to LIVESTRONG. Now I wear it all the time.

Yesterday the surgeon took out my port. I didn't know it was metal. Luckily it didn't set off the detectors at the airport. Anyway, he of course had to make an incision, so they told me to just take Tylenol for pain. Well I kind of forgot about it until all of a sudden in the afternoon it really started hurting. I didn't have any Tylenol with me, so I ran into Safeway to get some. I was wearing my pink bandana and pink hat. The checker grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and said "keep on fighting". It surprised me. I hadn't had anyone say anything to me before when I was out and about. As I thought about it later, I was very appreciative. It took guts for her to do that. I don't blame people for not saying anything. It's hard to know what to say. And I imagine some people wouldn't want you talking to them. So it's hard to know what to do. But for me it was nice.

LIVE STRONG

I finally went to Lance Armstrong's LIVESTRONG website. If you want to check it out, it's at www.livestrong.org

It is quite an inspirational site. On the left side, the second item down cycles thru several different presentations. Please listen to Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow. The lyrics are quite accurate as to the feelings a cancer diagnosis brings. It was written by Scott Leger, inspired by a friend's cancer diagnosis.

I am Terri. I Live Strong.

Oct 25

It's been almost 3 weeks since my last chemo treatment. The two weeks after, I had blood work done. The first one came back with my white count very low, which the nurse said was fine as long as I was just hanging around home. I told her I was getting on a plane the next day. So she talked to the oncologist and I got to take two more Neupogen shots. The next week the blood work looked really good. I have spurts of energy. I never know when they'll come or how long they'll last, so I have to take advantage of them. I've added a few minutes of jogging to my walk. I think it's going to be quite awhile before I'm back to jogging my 3 1/2 mile loop.

Done

I had my last dose of Abraxane on Friday Oct. 5. The nurses gave me a nice little send-off. It's going to be weird not going there every week.

Instead of feeling relieved, I'm feeling very vulnerable. I read that many breast cancer patients feel this way. While you are in treatment you feel like you are "doing" something to keep the cancer away. You somehow feel safe and protected. But when treatment is over, what is to keep the cancer from coming back?

So let's turn to humor. I have peach-fuzz all over my head. It's quite unsightly. Bald looks better. But I guess if I ever want hair again I have to get thru this stage. My hair has always grown fast so I hope that trend continues. And I'm really looking forward to having eyelashes and eyebrows!

Weeks gone by

The last few weeks have been busy and stressful. I had infusion #22 on Sept 18. We left Thursday to help Lindsey and Jason move to Pasadena. We stopped over in Paradise where they had a wedding reception for them. Then on down to Pasadena. It was a challenge getting moved in. My energy held up pretty well. We flew home Wed. night. Then Thursday morning our 11 1/2 yr old Rottie, Elsie got very sick and we had to put her down. That was a bit hard to take. Then the fatigue really hit me. I'm sure part of it was just let-down from the last few weeks. But my oncologist had told me that the fatigue is cumulative. And it hasn't gotten much better, so guess it just finally caught up with me.

Because we were gone, I switched my infusion days to Fridays for the last couple. I got there at 10:10. I waited. The receptionist came and apologized for the wait and said all the infusion chairs were full, and someone had had a reaction. I waited some more. The receptionist came and suggested that I get my blood drawn in my arm instead of my port so the blood work wouldn't delay us, so I did. I waited some more. It was almost noon, so I asked the receptionist if I should go get a bite to eat. She called the nurse, who said yes. After I got back I got in pretty quickly to see the oncologist. But I still had to wait for an empty chair. Glad I had my infusions on Tuesdays for the first 22! I finally left at 3:30. Long day.

I finally started reading Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. There is so much information. It's very overwhelming. I will probably get into that a little more after tomorrow...infusion #24...my last one.

Wonderful wedding

The wedding was wonderful. Thanks to all of you who traveled so far to join us for a very special day. We are so thankful that the weather cooperated so nicely. We had a couple of nice days after the wedding, then it's been foggy or cloudy since.

I had my 21st infusion on Tuesday, so I have 3 left. I really felt the fatigue this week. So thankful I had last week off! I started reading the book about life after treatment. It was written by a oncology social worker who works mostly with breast cancer patients. She was diagnosed herself in 1993, then had a second primary breast cancer in 2005. Her husband is a medical oncologist. So she has interesting perspectives from all sides.

Down to 4

Nothing much to tell this time. Infusion this week went pretty fast. Blood work looked good. Hematocrit and hemoglobin hanging in there without a shot. To maintain the white blood cells I'm giving myself 1 shot a week. I did have a little more fatigue a couple days after the infusion. My fingernails are right down gross. I have most of them cut down to half or less, as they were detaching and stinking. I was afraid they would catch on something and rip the whole thing off. It has been amazing to me how much I used to use my fingernails. Just waiting as the new nail slowly grows in. Fortunately I haven't had any neuropathy (tingling and numbness of hands and feet) yet. It would be nice not to have all the side effects! I will be taking this week off chemo, then will have four left.

The wedding is a week from today. We are hoping for some warm weather, as we've been having fog and clouds - more like June weather than August. So it might be cooler than we were expecting. So please plan accordingly. Regardless of the weather, it should be fun. One little snag is my oven broke last week. We're hoping it'll be fixed by Wednesday. Seems like it's always something!