Came and went

Infusion #7 came and went. Jane came and brought me a mocha and stayed with me awhile. Thanks Jane! Hands and feet have been bad this week. I made the mistake of jogging 3 days in a row and ended up with blisters on the bottom of my feet. Not good.

On a different note, the pond is coming along. John Sr. and Marge have been working really hard and putting in long hours. And Marge has been doing all the cooking besides. The first few days after my infusions food is not my friend, so if cooking had been left to me it would have been cold cereal for every meal. Anyway, we appreciate all their hard work.

Half way thru phase one

Another week has past. It hasn't been a great week for me, as on top of everything else, I have a cold. But, as I mentioned in the title, I had infusion #6 on Tuesday, so am half the way done with Adriamycin and Cytoxan. And my doctor said I'm "sailing thru" this. Yeah. Easy for him to say! Maybe I just don't complain enough. :)

Thursday the cold hit me hard, so it was a stay-in-bed-all-day day. May sound good to some of you, but it can get a bit boring. Need to start watching some of those funny movies that Larry and Cindy sent me (Thanks!). Felt better on Friday, even did a little mowing. Sabbath was beautiful so we took a hike out Ebey's bluff and sat and watched as 8 eagles soared overhead. We've had an eagle visit our pond several times lately. The other day he landed in a puddle to take a drink. Shadow (the cat) was out on the porch, and actually slunk down and started stalking the eagle. John grabbed her and brought her inside. Really don't want her to be eagle lunch. Then on Sabbath, the eagle returned, but not finding much of a puddle, flew up into a tree. Now it was Elsie's (the dog) turn. She growled, ran down and chased him off. Goofy animals.

On Sunday Marge and John Sr arrived to help with the pond. The weather chose to welcome them by pouring all afternoon. Fortunately, today was much nicer. They are working very hard and we appreciate their help so much.

Now onto infusion #7.

John's musings

God figures heavily into people's thinking at times like these. Either you don't think about Him or you seriously question Him. I don't think there is another reasonable option. Anyone who will tell you otherwise is fooling themselves.

God has said, "Come, let us reason together." Isaih 1:18 KJV. Or as the New RSV says, "Come, let us argue it out". The Good News tranlators wanted finality. "Now, let us settle the matter." He wants us to seriously question Him. Not just for the sake of questioning but to reach a conclusion.

Christ (who by the way, is God) has said "I do not call you servants any longer....Instead I call you friends..." True friends can ask each other anything. Just ask Joey, Ross, Chandler, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe.

Cancer is the ultimate sign of freedom. Freedom at a molecular level to be completely destructive. How can God allow freedom and yet prevent cancer? I don't believe He does prevent cancer. He does allow freedom in His universe. Hence destruction is a possibility. And it is not just a possibility but a reality for many people.

But Why Me??? Wrong question. Rather Why not me? Elijah was taken to Heaven in a fiery chariot. Elisha witnessed this and yet died alone of a fatal disease. (1 Kings 13:14-21) John the Baptist was beheaded while Jesus was on Earth. Lazarus was raised. What's up with that? (Lazarus obviously!)

It has been said of John the Baptist that "not Enoch, who was translated to heaven, not Elijah, who ascended in a chariot of fire, was greater or more honored than John the Baptist, who perished alone in the dungeon...And of all the gifts that Heaven can bestow upon men, fellowhip with Christ in His sufferings is the most weighty trust and the highest honor." Gift??? Suffering???

There is something bigger than us at stake here.

It has also been said, "But the plan of redemption had a yet broader and deeper purpose than the salvation of man. It was not for this alone that Christ came to the earth; it was not merely that the inhabitants of this little world might regard the law of God as it should be regarded; but it was to vindicate the character of God before the universe...The act of Christ in dying for.. man..would.. before all the universe..justify God..." Lots of ... but the point is God is on trial.

Romans 8:28 has two suggested translations in the Good News version. "We know that in all things God works for good..." or "All things work for good.." It might not seem different but I think close examination will show a world of difference. God is always working for good. But not everything is good. I prefer the first translation. It just fits with reality better. And God looks better.

God's answer to Job in chapter 38-41 builds to a climactic description of what I believe is the Devil. God has a serious problem. We can help. But we will get our hands dirty. But He will always work for good. Over simplification?? Truth is simple.

This apparent rambling has a point. Terri and I share this view of God and it sustains us at our core. We believe that "in all things God works for good." And we trust Him.

This poem by Linda Mae Richardson, Wichita, Kansas is very meaningful to me.

Comforters

When I was diagnosed with Cancer:
My first friend came and expressed his shock by saying,
"I can't believe that you have cancer.
I always thought you were so active and healthy."
He left and I felt alienated and somehow very "different."

My second friend came and brought me information about
different treatments being used for cancer. He said,
"Whatever you do, don't take chemotherapy.
It's a poison!"
He left and I felt scared and confused.

My third friend came and tried to answer my "whys?"
with the statement "Perhaps God is disciplining you for
some sin in your life?"
He left and I felt guilty.

My fourth friend came and told me,
"If your faith is just great enough God will heal you."
He left and I felt my faith must be inadequate.

My fifth friend came and told me to remember that
"All things work together for good."
He left and I felt angry.

My sixth friend never came at all.
I felt sad and alone.

My seventh friend came and held my hand and said,
"I care, I'm here, I want to help you through this."
He left and I felt loved!

5 down, too many to go

Feel like my blogs are going to be like the saying...

Same Song,
Different Verse
A little bit louder
A little bit worse!

Had infusion # 5 on Tuesday. This time Tami came with me. We had gone to get my wig cut before my appointment. Donald did a great job, but the wig is just not for me. Looks like I have an animal on top of my head. So the search for a decent wig is still on.

Wednesday morning I actually felt really good. Went out and did some yard work. By afternoon I was tired, and the next 2 days I was pretty wiped out.

Lindsey and Jason home for the weekend. Tim showed up with a shaved head. We were both in the kitchen and I was up on a step stool when Lindsey came in, and did a double take. Tim does have the radiation tattoo on the back of his head though. Mom brought lots of food over all by herself (walking on the ferry) while Dad stayed home with a cold he didn't want to share. We missed you Dad. Went up to Rosario to celebrate Tami's birthday with cake and strawberries. In the evening we dug for clams (Lindsey's senior project). First 3 holes we found nothing. I picked the next spot and there were a ton of them. Lindsey should have enough data now.

On Sunday John put Tim to work on the pond and they got a lot done. John really enjoyed having someone to play with him in the pond.

I think that is all for now. I have had a couple of "chemo brain" moments, so I may have forgotten something. If I have, hopefully I'll remember it next time.

What a difference a week makes

It's been a hairy week. (That was John's contribution). I can't believe it's been a week since I posted anything. On the weekend we celebrated Lindsey and Brett's birthdays. We had some hydroseeding done, so have spent numerous hours changing sprinklers. On Monday I went to a "look good...feel better" class put on by the American Cancer Society. The facilitator, Donald was great. He's going to help me with my wig next week. But I also met a lady who is undergoing the same treatment as me, she is just about 10 weeks ahead. So it was good to talk to her. Then on Tuesday, Janelle came with me to my visit. Thanks for keeping me company Janelle! Interesting tidbit, I'm kind of loosing my finger prints, so now I take B-6 three times a day. Still learning all the weird side effects.

And then there's the hair. I used to need an extra large rubber band to hold my ponytail. Well, it was down to a little rubber band wrapped around it 3 times would barely hold it, and my scalp was so tender. So first we cut off the ponytail. Then John used scissors, the Flow-be, the buzzer, and finally a razor. It actually feels so much better! And so far, I've only freaked John out once. He didn't admit it to me until tonight, but last night when I was getting up off the couch, and all he saw was my bald head it startled him. One thing I've learned very quickly is that hair does keep your head warm. I have to wear a hat out to the jacuzzi or my head is too cold. But at least it will grow back. Which brings me to a little something for John that I read in "Cancer Has Its Privileges". It's by Deborah Treneer Pitman:

In the beginning,
He helped me wash my hair
And put on my socks.

In the middle,
He helped me wash my socks
And put on my hair.

In the end,
We walked together barefoot without a care
While the wind blew softly through our hair.