Some days are diamonds...some days are stones

Infusion #10 was very different from last week. Almost every chair was full. The waiting was not too bad. I see my oncologist every other week, so I did see him. Lindsey and I had several errands to do afterwards, so didn't get home until late.

I am doing better on the Abraxane, but the last couple of days have been reminiscent of the old medication. Nausea and fatigue are worse. I read in a magazine a colorful description of "locked in an embrace with the toilet".

Deep thoughts: When I was first diagnosed, I had thoughts of having the surgery, getting thru the treatment and getting back to normal. But as I have had some time to ponder, there is no such thing as "getting back to normal" after this kind of diagnosis. There are books written about it. In fact I have one in the bookshelf that I need to start reading. It's entitled "After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment". It will be a long time before my hair is as long as it was before it fell out. I don't know if my fingernails will ever be the same. My mastectomy and port scars will be a constant reminder. What is normal, anyway?

On a lighter note, it's always an entertaining adventure to go out into public. First, depending on where I am going, I have to decide whether it's a worthy enough trip for boobs and hair. Earlier on, it was easy just to forgo the boobs and just wear a coat. But the warmer weather has made it much harder to hide. And I rarely wear hair. Mostly I wear a bandanna and a hat. John likes it better. I tried a nice scarf a couple of weeks ago, but it just kept sliding around and feeling like it was falling off. I guess I shouldn't be so vain. Most people probably don't even notice. How many people are that observant? In the past I have noticed women with really short haircuts and thought that it didn't look really feminine. But now what I think is, are they just getting over some sort of treatment? Funny how perceptions change.

John is finally coming in from mowing the lawn again. It's after 9 o'clock.

#11

Had a really weird infusion day this week. Most of the time Lindsey and I were the only ones there. We had the whole place to ourselves. Things clicked along nicely and we got in and out as quickly as is possible. On Wednesday Cindy and Marion came to see me. They brought food for both lunch and supper. Thanks! I'm feeling a lot better on this new chemo, Abraxane. I still have some nausea, but if I'll take my meds it is controllable. I am feeling tired. The oncologist said that the fatigue is cumulative. But I am still walking most days and I do some Pilates to hopefully keep my muscles strong.

It is 9:25 and John is still out mowing the lawn. It is supposed to rain the next few days, so he really wants to get it done. Fortunately, it's still light enough! The fun of living in the Pacific Northwest.

Second Half

After this last week of Cytoxan, I am finally half way thru my treatments. And now instead of starting at 1 and counting up to 12, I've decided I want to do it in the count-down mode instead. So this first week of Abraxane is #12. Lindsey went with me again. She got a bit of studying done as we were there for almost 5 hours. Had to declot my port again...then waited to see the oncologist...then waited to mix the chemo. It was a long day. I have felt pretty good, but then had nausea and vomiting and total exhaustion last night. Today has been better. My fingers are really sore. It'll take them a little time to heal from the Cytoxan.

Tim came and worked on the waterfall again. He didn't get it finished, but he did get it flowing. It is really nice to look at and to listen to. So progress is being made.

Let the count-down begin!

Half-way

I had my last infusion of Adriamycin yesterday! Yea! I still have to take a week of cytoxin. They are big pills and getting increasingly harder to swallow. A nurse suggested taking them with pudding. That sounded like a good idea. I take them in the morning, so pudding for breakfast. Actually the applesause worked just fine this morning.

Ruth and John came for a visit on Sabbath. We had fun visiting and showing them around the island a bit. They took us out for brunch and supper. Thanks for coming and for the cheese and meals!

I found a use for my razor. I wore shorts yesterday - yes it is warm enough for shorts - and as the sun shone on my legs in the car, I realized I still do have some hair on my body. Even my eyelashes and eyebrows are disappearing. The head hair is one thing, but the eyelashes and eyebrows, that just seems cruel!

Week # 11

It was wonderful taking a week off of chemo. I actually felt pretty good for graduation weekend. As great as the break was, it was very difficult going back. Fortunately John was able to go with me, so that helped some. Lindsey went with me this last week. So now I have one more infusion of adriamycin and the first half will be over. And that's a good thing.

Thanks for the continued cards, e-mails, thoughts and prayers. They are all appreciated!

2/3rds thru first round

Had infusion #8. The last several times they've had a hard time getting blood return from my port. This time I had to be declotted so that took awhile longer than usual. The hand-foot syndrome is getting pretty bad, so my oncologist recommended a week off of chemo. Yeah! Especially since both kids will be graduating from Walla Walla College this weekend. Lindsey is graduating with Environmental Science. Her fiance' Jason has a double major: Math and Mechanical Engineering, and Ryan is graduating with Civil Engineering. So it will be quite the weekend! And with no chemo this week, hopefully I'll be up to it all.

John Sr and Marge left Wednesday evening. Again, we can't thank them enough for all their hard work. The pond is currently, slowly filling (some rain might help). I've already seen birds taking a bath in it. Work on and around it continue, but at a much slower pace since it's pretty much just John. I try to help where I can. A lot of the time it's just moral support.

On Sabbath we had a visit from Pam Curtis and Caite (Paige and Matthew were with Pathfinders). We had such a nice visit and supper. Thanks for taking the time and coming up to see us! It was great to see you and do some catching up.

Came and went

Infusion #7 came and went. Jane came and brought me a mocha and stayed with me awhile. Thanks Jane! Hands and feet have been bad this week. I made the mistake of jogging 3 days in a row and ended up with blisters on the bottom of my feet. Not good.

On a different note, the pond is coming along. John Sr. and Marge have been working really hard and putting in long hours. And Marge has been doing all the cooking besides. The first few days after my infusions food is not my friend, so if cooking had been left to me it would have been cold cereal for every meal. Anyway, we appreciate all their hard work.