December

The photo is from a recent sunrise. Fortunately for me, sunrises are relatively late this time of year. I'm so glad I didn't miss this one. As a comment to my last post, Lindsey reminded me I should mention our latest motto: Say no to breasts!

I'm now 2 months out of chemo. I actually have a shadow of eyebrows, and short little eyelashes. They can't come in too quickly for me! I don't expect my hair to grow in that fast, and it is taking it's sweet time. I'll let you know when it is as long as John's. I can almost use my fingernails again. I'm trying to be patient. It's hard.

Just as I was beginning to feel pretty good, I'm now having to recuperate again. This time after a hysterectomy (technically an LAVH-BSO [laparoscopic assisted vaginal hysterectomy, bilateral salpingo-oophorectomy]). Yeah, it's a mouthful. My surgeon said I could go home when I had kept food down, gone for a walk, and used the restroom. I went home that evening. Of course it doesn't hurt that I have someone at home who knows how to take care of post-op patients. I'm doing very well.

John heard a very sweet song on the radio the other day. It is sung by a little 6-year-old girl that they are keeping anonymous. The writer has kept a diary of how the song came about and has progressed. It is very interesting. Check it out at www.bringhimhomesanta.com

What's in a name?

Way back in April, I think it was my second post, I mentioned choosing a title for the blog. The following are some names that were actually considered, and others that weren't. It may not be suitable for all, so read at your own risk.
Wigging out; juggernot; easy-off; notbusted; beachrack; chest-off; titbits; saga of casabas; lesstitsmorelife; nipless; sanstits; sansboobs; breastcroak; breastbereft; Terri's titty tales; cancertits; terrifitits; cleavage-leavage; myrackwar; udderless udderings; udderly gone; canned jugs; busted; melonations; bosombuddiesnomore; titsaregone; flatchestisbest; offmyknockers; boobswornout; boob-be-gone; bye-bye boobies; titsaregone; taleoftwotitties; carpemammo; and one of my favorites - pirates dream (a sunken chest).

Orchid

My orchid is blooming for the first time in a long time, so I thought I'd share. It has 10 open blooms and 1 bud that should bloom soon. My brother Ted gave me this orchid for my birthday back in the spring of 1982 when we were living in Loma Linda. It's pretty old, so I was thrilled when it started sending out the shoot.

I'm slowly recovering. It seems like I have more general aches and pains than while I was on chemo. I'm not sure why. And I've been having more trouble with chemo brain. I'll write something, then read it and see a word that I wonder why is there. Or I'll have a thought, and in a second it will be gone. It's so frustrating because I'll know I had it, then just can't remember it. Since the chemo threw me into menopause, I'm also dealing with hot flashes. John finds it quite amusing when I all of a sudden just rip my shirt off. Of course, I can only do that at home. I did jog for 20 minutes straight the other day. It was slow, but I did it, so that was exciting.

People have many ways of looking at cancer and cancer survivorship. Sometimes you hear the word "miracle" used. I heard a quote from Albert Einstein that I really appreciated - "There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." Every breath I take in is a miracle. My seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting and feeling are all miracles. All the nature around me is a miracle. My loving and supportive husband is a miracle, as well as my children and family. And so are all of you out there who have supported me thru this ordeal with your flowers, cards, calls, thoughts and prayers. I thank God for all the miracles in my life.

Epiphany

After getting immersed in LIVESTRONG, I started wearing my wrist band again. I had started wearing it when Ted became sick. I didn't usually wear it around the house, only when I went out. I really didn't think about it much. But the other day it really hit me that I shouldn't just wear it in support of cancer survivors, I need to wear it to remind myself to LIVESTRONG. Now I wear it all the time.

Yesterday the surgeon took out my port. I didn't know it was metal. Luckily it didn't set off the detectors at the airport. Anyway, he of course had to make an incision, so they told me to just take Tylenol for pain. Well I kind of forgot about it until all of a sudden in the afternoon it really started hurting. I didn't have any Tylenol with me, so I ran into Safeway to get some. I was wearing my pink bandana and pink hat. The checker grabbed my hand, looked me in the eye and said "keep on fighting". It surprised me. I hadn't had anyone say anything to me before when I was out and about. As I thought about it later, I was very appreciative. It took guts for her to do that. I don't blame people for not saying anything. It's hard to know what to say. And I imagine some people wouldn't want you talking to them. So it's hard to know what to do. But for me it was nice.

LIVE STRONG

I finally went to Lance Armstrong's LIVESTRONG website. If you want to check it out, it's at www.livestrong.org

It is quite an inspirational site. On the left side, the second item down cycles thru several different presentations. Please listen to Maybe Tonight, Maybe Tomorrow. The lyrics are quite accurate as to the feelings a cancer diagnosis brings. It was written by Scott Leger, inspired by a friend's cancer diagnosis.

I am Terri. I Live Strong.

Oct 25

It's been almost 3 weeks since my last chemo treatment. The two weeks after, I had blood work done. The first one came back with my white count very low, which the nurse said was fine as long as I was just hanging around home. I told her I was getting on a plane the next day. So she talked to the oncologist and I got to take two more Neupogen shots. The next week the blood work looked really good. I have spurts of energy. I never know when they'll come or how long they'll last, so I have to take advantage of them. I've added a few minutes of jogging to my walk. I think it's going to be quite awhile before I'm back to jogging my 3 1/2 mile loop.

Done

I had my last dose of Abraxane on Friday Oct. 5. The nurses gave me a nice little send-off. It's going to be weird not going there every week.

Instead of feeling relieved, I'm feeling very vulnerable. I read that many breast cancer patients feel this way. While you are in treatment you feel like you are "doing" something to keep the cancer away. You somehow feel safe and protected. But when treatment is over, what is to keep the cancer from coming back?

So let's turn to humor. I have peach-fuzz all over my head. It's quite unsightly. Bald looks better. But I guess if I ever want hair again I have to get thru this stage. My hair has always grown fast so I hope that trend continues. And I'm really looking forward to having eyelashes and eyebrows!

Weeks gone by

The last few weeks have been busy and stressful. I had infusion #22 on Sept 18. We left Thursday to help Lindsey and Jason move to Pasadena. We stopped over in Paradise where they had a wedding reception for them. Then on down to Pasadena. It was a challenge getting moved in. My energy held up pretty well. We flew home Wed. night. Then Thursday morning our 11 1/2 yr old Rottie, Elsie got very sick and we had to put her down. That was a bit hard to take. Then the fatigue really hit me. I'm sure part of it was just let-down from the last few weeks. But my oncologist had told me that the fatigue is cumulative. And it hasn't gotten much better, so guess it just finally caught up with me.

Because we were gone, I switched my infusion days to Fridays for the last couple. I got there at 10:10. I waited. The receptionist came and apologized for the wait and said all the infusion chairs were full, and someone had had a reaction. I waited some more. The receptionist came and suggested that I get my blood drawn in my arm instead of my port so the blood work wouldn't delay us, so I did. I waited some more. It was almost noon, so I asked the receptionist if I should go get a bite to eat. She called the nurse, who said yes. After I got back I got in pretty quickly to see the oncologist. But I still had to wait for an empty chair. Glad I had my infusions on Tuesdays for the first 22! I finally left at 3:30. Long day.

I finally started reading Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book. There is so much information. It's very overwhelming. I will probably get into that a little more after tomorrow...infusion #24...my last one.

Wonderful wedding

The wedding was wonderful. Thanks to all of you who traveled so far to join us for a very special day. We are so thankful that the weather cooperated so nicely. We had a couple of nice days after the wedding, then it's been foggy or cloudy since.

I had my 21st infusion on Tuesday, so I have 3 left. I really felt the fatigue this week. So thankful I had last week off! I started reading the book about life after treatment. It was written by a oncology social worker who works mostly with breast cancer patients. She was diagnosed herself in 1993, then had a second primary breast cancer in 2005. Her husband is a medical oncologist. So she has interesting perspectives from all sides.

Down to 4

Nothing much to tell this time. Infusion this week went pretty fast. Blood work looked good. Hematocrit and hemoglobin hanging in there without a shot. To maintain the white blood cells I'm giving myself 1 shot a week. I did have a little more fatigue a couple days after the infusion. My fingernails are right down gross. I have most of them cut down to half or less, as they were detaching and stinking. I was afraid they would catch on something and rip the whole thing off. It has been amazing to me how much I used to use my fingernails. Just waiting as the new nail slowly grows in. Fortunately I haven't had any neuropathy (tingling and numbness of hands and feet) yet. It would be nice not to have all the side effects! I will be taking this week off chemo, then will have four left.

The wedding is a week from today. We are hoping for some warm weather, as we've been having fog and clouds - more like June weather than August. So it might be cooler than we were expecting. So please plan accordingly. Regardless of the weather, it should be fun. One little snag is my oven broke last week. We're hoping it'll be fixed by Wednesday. Seems like it's always something!

Sabbath Aug 25

My infusions the last two weeks have gone smoothly. In and out pretty fast. Lindsey accompanied me. I had her take a picture so you can see how I've been spending my Tuesdays for the last 5 months. The room is bright and airy with large windows overlooking the "Healing Garden". We have large comfy recliners. In the picture, though you can't really see it, I'm hooked up thru the port in my chest. The good news is I only have 5 more infusions!

Last weekend Ryan, Michael and Ashley were here. On Sabbath we went out on a small boat to go whale watching, although we knew the orcas were not in the area. We saw lots of sea birds, seals (one eating a salmon), and a minke whale. It was a calm day and it was just nice being out on the water. That evening we celebrated Ryan's 22nd birthday.

Only 2 weeks until the wedding. Yikes!

Hope

As many of you know, today is the one year anniversary of the death of my brother Ted. It is still so hard. After what happened to him, lately I haven't had a very positive attitude about my own disease. And I want very much to have a positive attitude, for my own sake and for the sake of those around me.

I was reading in The Desire of Ages this morning, the chapter "The Centurion" which includes the story of Jesus raising a widow's son (Luke 7:11-17). She ends the chapter quoting 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 which I found very comforting. "Our friends, we want you to know the truth about those who have died, so that you will not be sad, as are those who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will take back with Jesus those who have died believing in Him...So then, encourage one another with these words" (Good News Bible).

Someone I have met only twice gave me a beautiful bell with the word "hope" written on it in several languages. Webster's defines hope as "desire with expectation of fulfillment". This word means a lot to me right now, both in relation to my brother, and where I am at in my own journey.

I am thankful that I have hope.

Count down #8 and fatigue

After an uneventful weekend (except for John who was in the hospital most of the weekend delivering babies) fatigue hit me on Monday. Why, I don't know, but it did. On Tuesday Lindsey was giving her project presentation, so John went with me to my infusion. Once again, towards the end I was the only person in the room. Nice and quiet. The fatigue continued Wednesday and Thursday. Today I have a bit more energy, even vacuumed and cleaned a bit. Lindsey had her last day of school at Rosario on Thursday. That went by unbelievably fast! After many cloudy days, we finally got some sun today. If it holds, we'll spend the weekend sitting on the porch! That may be all the energy I have.

2/3's of the way thru!

Counting down infusion #9. I almost didn't get it because of my blood work. My ANC was too low because my white count was down. So back to taking a few shots this week. Hopefully it'll come back up and stay up. I also had to have another shot to get my red blood cells going. My hematocrit is down to 30 (started out at 43.5). No wonder I feel so tired. Afterwards Lindsey and I went and tasted wedding cake and got that ordered. One more thing down.

On Wednesday Lindsey and I, and Dr. Cowles went to Double Bluff and Freeland Beaches to look for varnish clams for Lindsey's project for her class. She is seeing if there are pea crabs in the clams. We had gone to Long Point a week ago, had dug up 50 clams, and there were no pea crabs. Took us awhile to find 50 clams at Double Bluff. Found them very quickly at Freeland. Dr. Cowles got some ghost shrimp that he was after. Later I measured the clams, and Lindsey cut them open and looked for the crabs. There were crabs in most of the clams from Double Bluff, but only 2 crabs in 1 clam from Freeland. They are tiny little soft crabs that live inside the clams. In case you are interested, the varnish clam is an invasive species to our area. Lindsey did her senior project on them.

Last weekend Ryan, Michael and Ashley came. We went kayaking on Sabbath evening out in the cove. Oh, Tim came too. Then on Sunday the first 3 tore down the fort (it was falling apart) and Tim worked on the waterfall. Almost finished. Slowly but surely things are coming together.

John is on call this weekend, and is in doing the 4th delivery of the day. Hopefully that will be it for the weekend.

Have a good weekend and a Happy Sabbath.

Some days are diamonds...some days are stones

Infusion #10 was very different from last week. Almost every chair was full. The waiting was not too bad. I see my oncologist every other week, so I did see him. Lindsey and I had several errands to do afterwards, so didn't get home until late.

I am doing better on the Abraxane, but the last couple of days have been reminiscent of the old medication. Nausea and fatigue are worse. I read in a magazine a colorful description of "locked in an embrace with the toilet".

Deep thoughts: When I was first diagnosed, I had thoughts of having the surgery, getting thru the treatment and getting back to normal. But as I have had some time to ponder, there is no such thing as "getting back to normal" after this kind of diagnosis. There are books written about it. In fact I have one in the bookshelf that I need to start reading. It's entitled "After Breast Cancer: A Common-Sense Guide to Life After Treatment". It will be a long time before my hair is as long as it was before it fell out. I don't know if my fingernails will ever be the same. My mastectomy and port scars will be a constant reminder. What is normal, anyway?

On a lighter note, it's always an entertaining adventure to go out into public. First, depending on where I am going, I have to decide whether it's a worthy enough trip for boobs and hair. Earlier on, it was easy just to forgo the boobs and just wear a coat. But the warmer weather has made it much harder to hide. And I rarely wear hair. Mostly I wear a bandanna and a hat. John likes it better. I tried a nice scarf a couple of weeks ago, but it just kept sliding around and feeling like it was falling off. I guess I shouldn't be so vain. Most people probably don't even notice. How many people are that observant? In the past I have noticed women with really short haircuts and thought that it didn't look really feminine. But now what I think is, are they just getting over some sort of treatment? Funny how perceptions change.

John is finally coming in from mowing the lawn again. It's after 9 o'clock.

#11

Had a really weird infusion day this week. Most of the time Lindsey and I were the only ones there. We had the whole place to ourselves. Things clicked along nicely and we got in and out as quickly as is possible. On Wednesday Cindy and Marion came to see me. They brought food for both lunch and supper. Thanks! I'm feeling a lot better on this new chemo, Abraxane. I still have some nausea, but if I'll take my meds it is controllable. I am feeling tired. The oncologist said that the fatigue is cumulative. But I am still walking most days and I do some Pilates to hopefully keep my muscles strong.

It is 9:25 and John is still out mowing the lawn. It is supposed to rain the next few days, so he really wants to get it done. Fortunately, it's still light enough! The fun of living in the Pacific Northwest.

Second Half

After this last week of Cytoxan, I am finally half way thru my treatments. And now instead of starting at 1 and counting up to 12, I've decided I want to do it in the count-down mode instead. So this first week of Abraxane is #12. Lindsey went with me again. She got a bit of studying done as we were there for almost 5 hours. Had to declot my port again...then waited to see the oncologist...then waited to mix the chemo. It was a long day. I have felt pretty good, but then had nausea and vomiting and total exhaustion last night. Today has been better. My fingers are really sore. It'll take them a little time to heal from the Cytoxan.

Tim came and worked on the waterfall again. He didn't get it finished, but he did get it flowing. It is really nice to look at and to listen to. So progress is being made.

Let the count-down begin!

Half-way

I had my last infusion of Adriamycin yesterday! Yea! I still have to take a week of cytoxin. They are big pills and getting increasingly harder to swallow. A nurse suggested taking them with pudding. That sounded like a good idea. I take them in the morning, so pudding for breakfast. Actually the applesause worked just fine this morning.

Ruth and John came for a visit on Sabbath. We had fun visiting and showing them around the island a bit. They took us out for brunch and supper. Thanks for coming and for the cheese and meals!

I found a use for my razor. I wore shorts yesterday - yes it is warm enough for shorts - and as the sun shone on my legs in the car, I realized I still do have some hair on my body. Even my eyelashes and eyebrows are disappearing. The head hair is one thing, but the eyelashes and eyebrows, that just seems cruel!

Week # 11

It was wonderful taking a week off of chemo. I actually felt pretty good for graduation weekend. As great as the break was, it was very difficult going back. Fortunately John was able to go with me, so that helped some. Lindsey went with me this last week. So now I have one more infusion of adriamycin and the first half will be over. And that's a good thing.

Thanks for the continued cards, e-mails, thoughts and prayers. They are all appreciated!

2/3rds thru first round

Had infusion #8. The last several times they've had a hard time getting blood return from my port. This time I had to be declotted so that took awhile longer than usual. The hand-foot syndrome is getting pretty bad, so my oncologist recommended a week off of chemo. Yeah! Especially since both kids will be graduating from Walla Walla College this weekend. Lindsey is graduating with Environmental Science. Her fiance' Jason has a double major: Math and Mechanical Engineering, and Ryan is graduating with Civil Engineering. So it will be quite the weekend! And with no chemo this week, hopefully I'll be up to it all.

John Sr and Marge left Wednesday evening. Again, we can't thank them enough for all their hard work. The pond is currently, slowly filling (some rain might help). I've already seen birds taking a bath in it. Work on and around it continue, but at a much slower pace since it's pretty much just John. I try to help where I can. A lot of the time it's just moral support.

On Sabbath we had a visit from Pam Curtis and Caite (Paige and Matthew were with Pathfinders). We had such a nice visit and supper. Thanks for taking the time and coming up to see us! It was great to see you and do some catching up.

Came and went

Infusion #7 came and went. Jane came and brought me a mocha and stayed with me awhile. Thanks Jane! Hands and feet have been bad this week. I made the mistake of jogging 3 days in a row and ended up with blisters on the bottom of my feet. Not good.

On a different note, the pond is coming along. John Sr. and Marge have been working really hard and putting in long hours. And Marge has been doing all the cooking besides. The first few days after my infusions food is not my friend, so if cooking had been left to me it would have been cold cereal for every meal. Anyway, we appreciate all their hard work.

Half way thru phase one

Another week has past. It hasn't been a great week for me, as on top of everything else, I have a cold. But, as I mentioned in the title, I had infusion #6 on Tuesday, so am half the way done with Adriamycin and Cytoxan. And my doctor said I'm "sailing thru" this. Yeah. Easy for him to say! Maybe I just don't complain enough. :)

Thursday the cold hit me hard, so it was a stay-in-bed-all-day day. May sound good to some of you, but it can get a bit boring. Need to start watching some of those funny movies that Larry and Cindy sent me (Thanks!). Felt better on Friday, even did a little mowing. Sabbath was beautiful so we took a hike out Ebey's bluff and sat and watched as 8 eagles soared overhead. We've had an eagle visit our pond several times lately. The other day he landed in a puddle to take a drink. Shadow (the cat) was out on the porch, and actually slunk down and started stalking the eagle. John grabbed her and brought her inside. Really don't want her to be eagle lunch. Then on Sabbath, the eagle returned, but not finding much of a puddle, flew up into a tree. Now it was Elsie's (the dog) turn. She growled, ran down and chased him off. Goofy animals.

On Sunday Marge and John Sr arrived to help with the pond. The weather chose to welcome them by pouring all afternoon. Fortunately, today was much nicer. They are working very hard and we appreciate their help so much.

Now onto infusion #7.

John's musings

God figures heavily into people's thinking at times like these. Either you don't think about Him or you seriously question Him. I don't think there is another reasonable option. Anyone who will tell you otherwise is fooling themselves.

God has said, "Come, let us reason together." Isaih 1:18 KJV. Or as the New RSV says, "Come, let us argue it out". The Good News tranlators wanted finality. "Now, let us settle the matter." He wants us to seriously question Him. Not just for the sake of questioning but to reach a conclusion.

Christ (who by the way, is God) has said "I do not call you servants any longer....Instead I call you friends..." True friends can ask each other anything. Just ask Joey, Ross, Chandler, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe.

Cancer is the ultimate sign of freedom. Freedom at a molecular level to be completely destructive. How can God allow freedom and yet prevent cancer? I don't believe He does prevent cancer. He does allow freedom in His universe. Hence destruction is a possibility. And it is not just a possibility but a reality for many people.

But Why Me??? Wrong question. Rather Why not me? Elijah was taken to Heaven in a fiery chariot. Elisha witnessed this and yet died alone of a fatal disease. (1 Kings 13:14-21) John the Baptist was beheaded while Jesus was on Earth. Lazarus was raised. What's up with that? (Lazarus obviously!)

It has been said of John the Baptist that "not Enoch, who was translated to heaven, not Elijah, who ascended in a chariot of fire, was greater or more honored than John the Baptist, who perished alone in the dungeon...And of all the gifts that Heaven can bestow upon men, fellowhip with Christ in His sufferings is the most weighty trust and the highest honor." Gift??? Suffering???

There is something bigger than us at stake here.

It has also been said, "But the plan of redemption had a yet broader and deeper purpose than the salvation of man. It was not for this alone that Christ came to the earth; it was not merely that the inhabitants of this little world might regard the law of God as it should be regarded; but it was to vindicate the character of God before the universe...The act of Christ in dying for.. man..would.. before all the universe..justify God..." Lots of ... but the point is God is on trial.

Romans 8:28 has two suggested translations in the Good News version. "We know that in all things God works for good..." or "All things work for good.." It might not seem different but I think close examination will show a world of difference. God is always working for good. But not everything is good. I prefer the first translation. It just fits with reality better. And God looks better.

God's answer to Job in chapter 38-41 builds to a climactic description of what I believe is the Devil. God has a serious problem. We can help. But we will get our hands dirty. But He will always work for good. Over simplification?? Truth is simple.

This apparent rambling has a point. Terri and I share this view of God and it sustains us at our core. We believe that "in all things God works for good." And we trust Him.

This poem by Linda Mae Richardson, Wichita, Kansas is very meaningful to me.

Comforters

When I was diagnosed with Cancer:
My first friend came and expressed his shock by saying,
"I can't believe that you have cancer.
I always thought you were so active and healthy."
He left and I felt alienated and somehow very "different."

My second friend came and brought me information about
different treatments being used for cancer. He said,
"Whatever you do, don't take chemotherapy.
It's a poison!"
He left and I felt scared and confused.

My third friend came and tried to answer my "whys?"
with the statement "Perhaps God is disciplining you for
some sin in your life?"
He left and I felt guilty.

My fourth friend came and told me,
"If your faith is just great enough God will heal you."
He left and I felt my faith must be inadequate.

My fifth friend came and told me to remember that
"All things work together for good."
He left and I felt angry.

My sixth friend never came at all.
I felt sad and alone.

My seventh friend came and held my hand and said,
"I care, I'm here, I want to help you through this."
He left and I felt loved!

5 down, too many to go

Feel like my blogs are going to be like the saying...

Same Song,
Different Verse
A little bit louder
A little bit worse!

Had infusion # 5 on Tuesday. This time Tami came with me. We had gone to get my wig cut before my appointment. Donald did a great job, but the wig is just not for me. Looks like I have an animal on top of my head. So the search for a decent wig is still on.

Wednesday morning I actually felt really good. Went out and did some yard work. By afternoon I was tired, and the next 2 days I was pretty wiped out.

Lindsey and Jason home for the weekend. Tim showed up with a shaved head. We were both in the kitchen and I was up on a step stool when Lindsey came in, and did a double take. Tim does have the radiation tattoo on the back of his head though. Mom brought lots of food over all by herself (walking on the ferry) while Dad stayed home with a cold he didn't want to share. We missed you Dad. Went up to Rosario to celebrate Tami's birthday with cake and strawberries. In the evening we dug for clams (Lindsey's senior project). First 3 holes we found nothing. I picked the next spot and there were a ton of them. Lindsey should have enough data now.

On Sunday John put Tim to work on the pond and they got a lot done. John really enjoyed having someone to play with him in the pond.

I think that is all for now. I have had a couple of "chemo brain" moments, so I may have forgotten something. If I have, hopefully I'll remember it next time.

What a difference a week makes

It's been a hairy week. (That was John's contribution). I can't believe it's been a week since I posted anything. On the weekend we celebrated Lindsey and Brett's birthdays. We had some hydroseeding done, so have spent numerous hours changing sprinklers. On Monday I went to a "look good...feel better" class put on by the American Cancer Society. The facilitator, Donald was great. He's going to help me with my wig next week. But I also met a lady who is undergoing the same treatment as me, she is just about 10 weeks ahead. So it was good to talk to her. Then on Tuesday, Janelle came with me to my visit. Thanks for keeping me company Janelle! Interesting tidbit, I'm kind of loosing my finger prints, so now I take B-6 three times a day. Still learning all the weird side effects.

And then there's the hair. I used to need an extra large rubber band to hold my ponytail. Well, it was down to a little rubber band wrapped around it 3 times would barely hold it, and my scalp was so tender. So first we cut off the ponytail. Then John used scissors, the Flow-be, the buzzer, and finally a razor. It actually feels so much better! And so far, I've only freaked John out once. He didn't admit it to me until tonight, but last night when I was getting up off the couch, and all he saw was my bald head it startled him. One thing I've learned very quickly is that hair does keep your head warm. I have to wear a hat out to the jacuzzi or my head is too cold. But at least it will grow back. Which brings me to a little something for John that I read in "Cancer Has Its Privileges". It's by Deborah Treneer Pitman:

In the beginning,
He helped me wash my hair
And put on my socks.

In the middle,
He helped me wash my socks
And put on my hair.

In the end,
We walked together barefoot without a care
While the wind blew softly through our hair.

April 27

Yes, I'm still here. Just not feeling all that well. Very difficult to get motivated to do anything - even type. Wednesdays and Thursdays are not my better days. Feel really tired...but can't sleep all the time! I have to have daily injections to keep my white count up. John has been such a sweetheart and has been doing them for me, even though he doesn't like to stick me with a needle. Well, Thursday morning he was stuck at the hospital, so I had to do it myself. I tried not to think about it, and just did it. I'll let him keep doing it when he's home, but now I know I can do it if/when I have to.

Mom and Dad came by and did some cleaning for me (thank-you, thank-you!). Dad was quite entertaining with the duster - and he'd just had cataract surgery. I told him I don't think my dining room has ever been dusted so well.

My hair is starting to thin. I have very thick hair, but not for long. It is coming out by the fistfuls. Thought I'd show you just how much hair I have, (well, had).

3 of 24

We did beat the rain on our Ebey's loop hike on Sabbath. It sprinkled just a little bit, then the sun actually came out. Back at the parking lot we watched a kite boarder doing his thing...flips and all. Yes, it was pretty windy. There were 5-6 more boarders getting ready to go out, but we were hungry. Thanks for the fun hike Kevin, Sandy and Jeremy.

Today was infusion #3 out of 24. Thanks Jane, for coming and passing the time with me (and for the chocolate!) Hair still intact. There does seem to be a little more in my brush now, or am I just being overly sensitive?

Just want to thank EVERYONE who has posted comments. I really do appreciate them. I was just reading about this breast cancer survivor, from the book "Cancer Has Its Privildges", when she was undergoing treatment, she just "lived for the mailbox everyday." (Oh Mom, that's so early '90's. Actually it was). "Just to receive a card, letter, note...made me feel like I wasn't alone in this journey-that someone out there was thinking about me." It is true. The comments make me smile, and that is a very good thing! Sincerely, thank-you!

Apr 21 - the delay

So that last post ended rather abruptly. It was Friday night...I was tired...I had hit the wall so to speak. I was happily surprised this morning to see the 2 comments that had already come in. Thanks!

I have been planning on setting this blog up for some time now. First, I had to pick a blog sight. There is a wonderful non-profit sight called caringbridge.org that was created specifically for communication for people in crisis. After much indecision (Lindsey had to get it from somewhere), I decided that (1) I don't really feel like I'm in crisis; and (2) I thought that maybe my sarcasm, and cynical way of looking at life might not be appreciated. Like someone said, I might even get kicked off. So I chose this spot.

Next problem: I had to come up with both a title and a URL (web address). But more on that later. Right now, we are going to try to beat out the rain with a hike at Ebey's with some friends.

From there to here

First of all, I'll start here. I'm doing okay. I am currently undergoing 24 weeks of adjuvant chemotherapy for breast cancer. I have completed 2 infusion sessions. And, as of this moment, I still have all my hair.

Now for there. After a normal mammogram in June 2006, I was diagnosed with infiltrating ductal carcinoma of the breast on February 16, 2007. John got busy on PubMed, and at the U of Washington Health Sciences Library. After much research, and helpful advice from friends, I had a bilateral mastectomy on March 1. Post-op dx: infiltrating poorly differentiated ductal carcinoma. Hormone receptor status, triple negative (estrogen, progesterone, Her2 neu). Upshot, an aggressive tumor, but no evidence of lymph spread (sentinel node negative on both sides). So that was good news. Because of the possibility of micrometasteses, adjuvant chemotherapy is done. I had a port-a-cath placed at the time of my surgery. It's a port they can inject into (and draw blood out of) that infuses directly into my vena cava. Saves my peripheral veins from 24 weeks of poking.